Should You Give Up Masturbation?
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I did. For about three years I did exactly what so many of you seem to think is right and good: I stopped masturbating completely. Stopped looking at porn, ever.
Instead, I had sex with my wife. I know: revolutionary!
After all, both my wife and I were working from home. She was downstairs, and I upstairs. She was probably horny, and I know I definitely was most of time.
We had been exploring ideas around authentic sexual expression in our marriage. “Why masturbate,” I asked myself, “when I could have sex with a woman I love, am very attracted to, and have an ideal sexual relationship with?”
So I proposed this novel idea to her, as an experiment of sorts: Instead of either of us masturbating, watching porn, etc., let’s express our authentic sexual desire with each other, to each other, on, over, and in each other. Let’s just have sex together!
Just Say “Yes!”
What this came down was this: If either of us was horny and wanted to have sex, we’d just do it with each other! If one of us wanted to have sex, the other had to comply.
There was only one answer to the request for sex: Yes. My my. What a crazy notion: a married couple actually expressing their authentic sexual selves with each other.
We’d been married about 20 years at that point. Our sex life was probably the best aspect our marriage.
To all of you “No Fap” people out there, I agreed! There was no fapping for me. Just fucking instead. No porn was necessary, either. I have a very vivid, erotic, some would say “dirty” imagination, and I would agree.
For the next few years I can honestly say I never looked at porn, and never jerked off. Although you believe masturbation to be the evil adversely affecting your, have you ever considered what life would be like if you had as much sex as you wanted, with a woman you loved, and was in a committed, long-term relationship with?
Make Your Own Porn
During those years I did fuck my brains out. Usually a few hours a day, afternoon, and evening. At the slightest whim, with the slightest tingle in my ding-a-ling, I’d message my wife downstairs. Sometimes I’d send her a pic of something naughty. Sometimes she’d send me one. Or we’d set a time, a place, a costume, set of circumstances, and have some fun.
She’d be having some issue with her computer, and I’d go outside, ring the bell, and pretend to be a computer repair man. As I looked over her computer, she would be negotiating terms of payment, as she had no money with her.
Or she would be cleaning the house, and I would want to have my way with my sexy little French maid. The games and scenarios were endless, and endlessly fun and satisfying for us both.
I did keep to my own rule of a maximum of one ejaculation per day. It is ejaculation, not masturbation or sex or porn, which is the release valve of sexual energy. I would in fact go for days without ejaculating, whilst having sex on a regular basis for many hours on end.
I can tell you that I did not injure my penis. It did not fall off. I never had an issue with getting hard. In all my married years (23 in total) I never once lacked for an erection with my wife. Nor did my penis break from fucking like a rabbit, or rhino, or donkey, or porn star. In fact it was and remains extremely robust and responsive to this day.
“Use it or lose it” is a much better adage.
I did not run out of sexual energy, or desire either. My mind was not clouded, my focus not diffused, my thoughts were not scattered.
In fact it was quite the opposite: I was liberated from obsessively thinking about sex, because I was doing it instead. I was very clear-minded in those days, unencumbered by struggles or strife around sex and sexual satisfaction.
Now I understand that many of you believe masturbation to be the evil of man. But it is not. Nor is ejaculation. Nor is porn. Nor is sex.
“What is wrong with sex?” I’d ask my two children.
“Well, you could get a disease,” they would say.
“True. But people get many diseases without having sex. And many people have sex without getting diseases.”
“You can get pregnant!” they’d respond.
“True. But if it weren’t for pregnancy, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, would we? There are times when pregnancy is desirable. And many people have sex and don’t get pregnant.”
Perplexed, they’d finally give up.
“Nothing is wrong with sex!” I’d exclaim to them. “And always use a condom!” I’d add.
Authentic Sexual Expression
So, grown, savvy adults of Reddit, I put the same question to you: What is wrong with sex? Sex with other people? What is wrong sex by yourself? What is wrong with sex in general?
Nothing!
For men, ejaculating on a regular basis is vital for prostate health, and for reproductive system health in general. It also helps relieve stress, and liberate the mind, if only temporarily.
And in this regard, exploring “No Fap” is also a great idea. Find out how holding in your ejaculation will affect you. Discover on your own the uses and roles that sexual energy has in your life. Explore using sexual energy for other things, like motivating yourself, or calming yourself, or making yourself feel good, or getting yourself really riled up.
Authentic sexual expression is an exploration, a journey of self-discovery, and a goal to which most of us aspire. Learning to authentically express your own sexual desire is a key component to a healthy, happy, contented and fulfilled life, including relationships with others, and with yourself.
Sexual satisfaction in life is a challenge we all face. And no one knows what is right or good for you, other than yourself.
I suggest you go forth and freely discover the inner secrets and joys awaiting you, and all those with whom you will interact.
