Are There Benefits to PE & Struggling for Ejaculation Control?
This post is in response to a reader, who asked:
Hey Man, I’ve got another question for you. When you are having sex. On a arousal scale from 1-10 where would you say your are when you are comfortably fucking and your in full control. I feel that when I am masturbating, my pc and bc muscles can be relaxed but if I get too aroused then it gets to hard to keep my pelvic floor relaxed. Let’s say a 6 is your perfectly fine in total control, 7 your dick is a little more sensitive and your a little more aroused, 8 your dick is pretty sensitive and your pretty aroused(you could cum), and 9 your penis is really sensitive and your ready to cum. 10 is ejaculation
Thank you for this question! Very interesting.
My Answer:
What you are asking is, how much of the time am I calm and relaxed during sexual intercourse, with control being easy to maintain?
Using your scale, I usually hang-out around the 8/9 mark. I get very, very revved during sex, as do most of us who grapple with quick releases and involuntary, unwanted, or uncontrolled ejaculations.
(Most refer to this as “premature ejaculation,” a term filled with negative, shame-based connotations, which is why I do not use it.)
Those of us who struggle with ejaculation control do so because we have very high levels of sexual energy, desire, wanting. In other words, we are usually very horny!
I know you are going to find this hard to believe, but these are actually benefits!
Your Greatest Strength
What you now believe to be your greatest weakness – this involuntary pull to the edge of ejaculation, will eventually become your greatest strength.
The need to pull back from your Point Of No Return (PONR) never goes away. Nor do you want it to.
Sexual energy is the force behind your sexual desire, the fuel which drives your need for sex. And, of course, sexual energy is the power which transforms your penis from floppy to hard – not the images you watch!
It is our high levels of sexual energy which enable us to
– get very hard erections, very quickly
– stay hard for long periods of time, if ejaculation is avoided
– rarely – if ever, grapple with no-show erections
– have high sensitivity to stimulation
– feel intense desire
– feel intense pleasure
– are passionate, enthusiastic, engaged
Again, these are all excellent attributes to have as a great lover! These are also the attributes required to become a multi-orgasmic, Post-Ejaculatory Man.
Challenging your edge is where you want to be; however, right now your are not challenging your edge. Instead, you are being challenged by your edge.
Keep The Intensity, Lose The Stress
Unfortunately, it is also our great intensity which causes us to tense-up, squeeze, rush ahead, overlook warning signs, disregard better judgement in our desire to do it all – right now!
Some of us get so excited we can come off in our pants while doing nothing else but kissing on the couch with all our clothes on! Now that’s enthusiasm!
However it is by constantly straining forward, pushing ahead and challenging your edge that you keep the sexual energy alive, active, and growing. In you and her.
If you are not straining forward, you are pulling back.
Don’t you find if you are masturbating but not really into it, not pushing toward ejaculation, your penis is not usually that hard?
The same goes for when you are having sex. During those times you mention, from 1-6 on your scale, you are not actually practising ejaculation control. You are in control because you are not challenging your edge.
Yes, this is a nice, comfortable place to be. But ultimately not the hottest place to be.
Most of the really intense pleasure and orgasmic energy resides on those outer reaches.
What we refer to as, The Edge.
The Real Change In Ejaculation Control Is How You Manage Your Edge
You want to maintain the joys of being horny, with a straining, dancing cock that keeps you dangling on your edge, your whole life long.
As you begin to make progress mastering ejaculation control, you will learn to gradually advance to your edge, and then gracefully and imperceptibly (to her) pull safely back. Not once or twice, but all night.
Once you get used to pulling back from your edge with practised ease, are used to balancing there comfortably, like an iron worker having lunch sitting on the edge of a beam eighty stories up while building an iconic New York City skyscraper, then hanging out on the edge is where you want to be.
Which is why I say I run at 8/9 on your scale.
What people refer to as “edging” is also what ejaculation control looks like. They are actually one in the same.
I am still the quick release expert I have always been. I have also perfected the ability to keep close to my edge, ride my edge, hold my edge with the confidence and ease of a skilled tight-rope walker, while still maintaining the side benefit(!) of being able to ejaculate easily.
Having to consistently pull back from peak pleasure points is what we call “riding your edge.” Doing so translates into pleasure-packed, stimulating, roller-coaster rides of sexual experience – for both of you!
This Is How Sexual Energy Is Built
As you repeat the wave-like rhythm of approaching your edge, and then pulling back, you twirl the sexual energy to ever-greater levels of intensity between you.
Once this rhythm becomes fluid and natural, you will begin to experience your ejaculation safely returning from your Point Of No Return, except your orgasm will continue to flow over the edge on its own.
This is a full-blown, legitimate orgasm, without ejaculating. OKA a non-ejaculatory, dry, or tantric orgasm.
You raise the level of sexual energy between you by passing it back and forth along with the waves.
As she feels you struggling on the edge, your cock straining in and around her pussy, she gets turned on by your response, knowing she is the source of your excitement.
This augmented sexual energy gets passed into her, increasing her sexual stimulation in response to yours.
You can then feel, see, hear, taste, and smell her response to your arousal. This creates a spike in your own excitement and intensity. This is why it is so difficult to control your ejaculation through to the end of her orgasm! The closer you get, the closer she gets, the more sexual energy and intensity you both feel.
Basic Training For Duress!
Which is why I urge you to be as hard on yourself as you can during “Basic Training” masturbation practise. Relentlessly push toward your edge, and then perfect your ability to safely pull back under duress. Again and again and again.
You need to practise more than just stroking your dick!
You want to practise:
– constantly pulling back from your edge
– getting closer and closer to your edge without falling over
– learn what it feels like to teeter, heart-pulse by heart-pulse on the edge
– learn what happens when you go too far
– practise using the emergency techniques in Book One
– discover the exact moment ejaculation is triggered
– explore slowly teasing yourself over the edge
– get used to taking Defensive Measures as proscribed
Because no matter how tough you think you are treating yourself while masturbating, it is only a mere fraction of the intensity you will experience when with a woman.
Nothing will prepare you for that, but we try, we try!
Yes, you also need to practise all of these things “In The Field,” with a woman. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over. And then the next day, and the day after that.
The Stallion Between Your Legs
I know it doesn’t feel like it at the moment, but having intense sexual desire, passion, and erections which strain toward ejaculation are actually good problems to have. It is much easier to harness the power of a stallion, than it is to coax an unwilling horse into action!
The wild stallion between your legs is filled with energy, capable of taking you anywhere your sexual desires lead.
Like any fine creature with such enthusiasm, power, and stamina, you must train it. You will learn to control and direct its energies for your own desired outcomes.
Once the rider learns how to work with his stallion, how to properly communicate with it, channel its energy, he can then access the full potential of his stallion.
As a team, you and your stallion can leap and gallop over mountain passes, through rivers, rainstorms, and even her slippery, convulsing pussy as she’s cumming.
No challenge is too great when you and your penis are working together like rider and stallion.
One of the great sexual pleasures a man can feel, is having conscious control over his own ejaculatory system. To get there, you must lead the way with your firm mental commitment.
